If Only He Would Parent Like He Ought To
“My husband and I can’t seem to parent the same way. I have made it so easy for him. I have told him exactly what to say in a certain situation and he still does it wrong.”
“It gets so frustrating and then I get scared that we will never get this whole second marriage thing figured out. I find myself thinking it would just be easier to be alone. I know I can do it alone. I know that it works when I do it my way. I did this whole parenting thing alone for a long time.”
Certainly my client isn’t alone in this. Who else relates?
If you relate, I have some good news and some bad news for you.
Bad news first! Your husband is never going to parent the way you think he should. Do you know why? Because he is not you. He can’t parent like you. Even if he did say exactly what you told him to say, your kids would still interpret what he said differently because it is coming from him, not you. If you’re waiting for him to parent like you so you can have the desire to connect and feel closer to him, you are going to be waiting forever.
Ready for the good news? I know the secret to keep the connection strong in your marriage no matter how he parents your kids.
Want to know the secret? It simple. You just decide that it’s ok for him to parents his way and you parent your way. He doesn’t have to parent the way you think he should and you don’t have to exert your time and energy trying to get him to parent your way.
Yes, it would be so much easier if he just did it your way but look how emotionally exhausting it is to try and get him to do it your way. Your tired and worn out. Your relationship is starting to suffer.
I know your brain is telling you all the many reasons why this is a terrible idea. Your brain is telling you that your children’s lives will go to pot; they will turn into couch potatoes and end up living in your basement for the rest of their lives as unproductive members of society.
Listen carefully. That same scenario could happen even if he parents the way you think he should. Or it may not. It may even be possible that your different parenting styles are going to teach your kids some things that they desperately need to learn in life. We have no way of knowing.
However, I do know this. If you continue to think he should do it differently something will go terribly wrong in your marriage. You will disconnect more and more until you have forgotten why you ever connected in the first place.
Ultimately the connection you dreamed of having when you were single is slipping away and you are the one doing the disconnecting.
You have disconnected you from your dream.