Don’t Believe Everything You Hear At Church

Ever sat in church and listened as the Proclamation to the Family was discussed, and all you want to do is crawl under your bench because your family in no way looks like that or functions that way?

Yes, in an ideal world, married women and men would have the same opinions about how to raise their children, spend their money and their time. They would have the same desires and goals. They would have children who were quick to obey and act like they wanted to be loved and encouraged by their parents.

Raise your hand if you fit this description? I know I can’t see you and neither can anyone else, but I guarantee that not a single one of you is raising your hand.

I was a visitor in another congregation a couple of weeks ago. The speakers talked about what families should look like and they discussed specific things that good families should and shouldn’t do. It was said that so many families are broken and need to be fixed. I know this is not how Christ would want us to feel. He does not want us to feel broken. He does not want you to think your family needs to be fixed.

How do you feel when you think you family is broken? Does it encourage actions of love and compassion? In my experience it makes us feel desperate. We desperately want to change and we want everyone around us to change. Then we try to force them to behave and act how we want them to so that we no longer have to feel broken

Think about the last time you tried to force your kids to do something they didn’t want to do. How did that go over? Was everyone loving and laughing? Probably not.

Nothing good ever comes from thinking that we have to fix our families. It will only lead to resentment when they don’t do what you want them to do.

I am not saying you should give up on wanting to progress as an individual or a family. I just don’t believe it’s helpful to believe you need to be fixed. It will not get you the progression you want.

The leaders of The Church are trying to change the way we talk about families. They are working hard to get rid of some of the traditional beliefs. The rhetoric has changed so much as we have shifted perceptions and opened our hearts and minds to recognizing that a family looks very different for each and every person. Christ’s doctrine is love and that is why God gave us families so that we could learn how to love.

But this is a slow process. These perceptions and traditions did not form overnight and they will not fade away overnight either.

This means we will still hear talks in church that don’t sit well with us. Personally, I don’t want them to sit well with me. But it is easy to begin to think that maybe they are right, maybe somethings is wrong and we do need to be fixed.

We are left with this cognitive dissonance right now. We know how we want to feel. We know where we want to be, just not exactly sure how to get there. We have “old beliefs” that still creep into our minds.

Let me tell you a little secret: You don’t have to believe everything you hear at church. The doctrine of Christ is true, but not everything you hear at church is true.

AND, you don’t have to believe everything that your brain tells you when it wants you to believe that your family is broken, those are thought errors and they will never help you get your family where you want to be.

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