I love doing free mini-coaching calls.

I get to talk to people all over the country.

I have the best job in the world.

I get to help people find relief from the pain in their life. I get to help people see that they can actually have the love and connection that they want to have within themselves and in their marriage.

One of my mini sessions was different then the usual session this week.

The person who signed up for a free session was a man who is wanting to get married again. I usually coach women. This was different, yet the same, because he really just wants the same thing that women want; he wants to be free of the fear that he may find himself in another marriage without the connection he desires.

He told me he had recently gone on a date with someone that he felt an instant connection with. It hadn’t gotten really serious, but the connection was real.

As he has not committed in this relationship and is still dating other women, he is looking for help navigating the waters and knowing that he can trust himself to find the right person where they can both be in a fulfilling relationship.

“Did you know that the feeling of ‘connection’ does not just happen to you? This women can’t just instantly make you feel a connection.”

“You are only feeling this way because of the things you are thinking when you are with her.”

“That is such an interesting point!” he said.

I continued, “And I think it’s fantastic that you have felt this feeling because now you can do the work to figure out what it is that you are thinking that creates this feeling of connection.”

Even though no one can make you feel a “connection”, there are people that will make it easier for us to think the thoughts that create the feeling of connection within us. Those are the people you want to be dating if you want connection in a marriage.

My wish for this client? That he can begin to recognize the thoughts that stem from some of his beliefs. He probably doesn’t even recognize that he is having those thoughts right now. My job as a coach is to help my clients see what they are creating for themselves.

Discovering this will give him confidence that he will actually find the “right person” for him.

Some examples of his thoughts that stem from beliefs:

  • she likes to do the same things I do (thought). Good relationships happen when people have things in common (belief)
  • it is really easy for me to talk to her (thought). Conversation should be easy (belief).
  • I like that she knows who she is and will stand up for herself (thought). Independence will help to create a fulfilling relationship (belief).

Observing your thoughts helps you discover your underlying beliefs. If those beliefs are getting you what you want, then I help my clients know how to have more of it. This may seem simplistic but it is hard work. What is usually harder, however, is learning to let go of beliefs that are not helping you create the feeling (in this case, the feeling of connection) that one wants.

I want all of my clients to feel connection. It feels so good. But what I really want my clients to know is that they are the ones responsible for feeling that way. No one else is. And I can help them find it.

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