Self-Confidence Part 3

Bend in the road number 362 and only only 258 more to go in our rental care before we reach the trail to the bamboo forest and Waimoku falls. With bodies practically overdosed on dramamine and some sort of natural motions sickness pills, we were a little more then half way on the road to Hana (or Hell depending upon your state of mind).

This road is 64 miles long with lush and gorgeous rainforest-like growth, ocean views, and waterfalls. It is gorgeous. And the destination is amazing. And then you have to turn around and endure the road all over again.

By the time we made it back to our condo, it was definitely no longer the road to Hana but the road to hell. No matter that we had consumed almost an entire bottle of motion sickness pills, we felt crummy. Some more than others. Was it worth it? Depends.

It would be very easy to just take that road trip for what it factually is: 64 miles and 620 bends in the road to then hike 4 miles. And the answer would be no, it wasn’t worth it.

Or you could decide it was 64 miles of unmatched beauty with a hike that reminded you how grateful you are to be alive and have a body that is strong enough carry you to see things that are not always accessible without a little hard work. Totally worth it!

Self-confidence is very much the same.

It is very easy for us to see all the things we think we can’t do or are afraid to do. We see our insecurity rather then self–confidence.

We see emotions like these in our future so we don’t proceed:

Humiliation

Rejection

Embarrasement

Isolation

All these emotions (and more) keep us from stepping out of our comfort zones and doing the things that are hard.

We think we can’t do them because we aren’t confident enough.

But self-confidence does not just come naturally.

You have to train your brain to produce self confidence. We have to train our brains to look for the beauty in the drive and not all the bends in the road.

Why, because your brain is wired to keep you safe. So when it detects danger, emotional or physical, your brains automatic response is to say, DON’T DO IT.

So we don’t try hard things because we aren’t confident enough that we can emotionally handle hard things.

You don’t feel confident that you can handle disappointment if you decide to get married again only to find out that you and your new husband have differing views on something.

You don’t feel confident that you can handle rejection if your step children don’t seem to like you.

You don’t feel confident that you can handle embarrassment if people judge you for the choices you make.

We give up self-confidence for the illusion of safety and security but really, the opposite happens. We are just failing ahead of time. We are withholding ourselves from an amazing journey.

Our beliefs create our confidence.

Our accomplishments DO NOT create our confidence.

Here are some examples of beliefs that will train your brain to be confident:

Fear is no big deal. I can handle fear.

I can keep myself emotionally safe if someone does something hurtful.

I am capable of blending two families.

Failure earns success.

I was made for this.

The better I fail the more confident I am.

Once again, it is not the things that you do that create your confidence. It is your beliefs and your willingness to feel the things you don’t want to feel that create confidence.

The more bends in the road and the more opportunities you give yourself to feel a negative emotion and know you can handle it, the more confidence you will have.

Keep going.

Keep driving that road.

Do the hard things.

Believe that you can do them

You will be rewarded with more confidence and see things in yourself you never thought were possible.

(photo credit: Kim Chapman)