Self-Confidence Part 1

I was sitting at my dest doing a coaching session with one of my clients this week.

She shared with me that she has a co-worker that can really “push her buttons”.

She can say things, or look at her a certain way and my client starts to unravel inside. She gets fidgety, won’t look at her and will even be overly nice trying to get this co-worker to behave differently toward her.

“I really start to feel shame and guilt.”

I asked to expand on that and tell me why this women has the ability to make her feel shameful.

“Because her actions and words make me think that I must be a bad person.”

AHHH no wonder she doesn’t like to be around this co-worker. Thinking that your a bad person never results in a feeling that one wants to experience. Who wants to be around someone if you start to believe those things about yourself when you’re with them.

Step back with me for a second to my post last week where I defined what self-confidence is.

Self-confidence is being secure in yourself and your abilities. It’s your ability to trust yourself knowing that you can experience any emotion (including failure) without being harmed.

As far as my clients brain is concerned, she may as well be committing a serious crime or offense when she is with this co-worker because it all feels like the same thing: shame.

If we fit this into the definition of self-confidence, She does not trust herself to keep herself emotionally safe when she is around this co-worker so she doesn’t like to be around her.

If she knew she could feel comfortable around her, no matter what she said or did, she would not mind being with her. Until this point she has giving the responsibility of her emotional safety over to this person.

When you learn that the things other people say and do have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them, you will increase in self-confidence. You will start to trust yourself to handle anything that may come your way.

What does this look like you ask?

When someone says something to you and you notice feelings coming up that you don’t want to experience; feelings that you think are just happening as a result of what they are saying or doing, you have to remind yourself that their words/actions do not have the ability to make you feel anything until you make them mean something about you.

You get to decide what you are going to make them mean. And, what people say or do to you, does not tell you anything about YOU. It only tells us about them. They are either feeling love or fear at that moment.

What does tell us something about you is what you choose to make it mean about you. Do you believe what they say or do? Do you believe your brain when it wants to tell you that you must be a bad person?

Or do you remember that nothing has gone wrong? You know exactly how to handle the situation. You feel confident and are then able to be kind to yourself (not make it mean something terrible about you) and you have your own back!

You trust yourself.

Your self-confidence grows.


The holiday season seems to be a breeding ground for insecurities as families gather. I want to help you be more self-confident and enjoy every moment with friends and family! It is a passion of mine and I am just going to say it, I am really good at helping people be confident. Come to a free mini-coaching call and I will help you uncover the insecurities that make you feel self-conscious and insecure. Don’t wai

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