No One Is Attractive

I remember watching the Twilight movies way back when.

If you don’t know what those movies are, it was a series of movies based on novels about a love triangle between a human girl, a vampire and a werewolf. Bizarre I know, but it seemed to catch on like wildfire.


I remember being so disappointed in the way Edward (the vampire) looked in the movie. When I had read the book, I had imagined him completely different. As I read about him, I had created someone who was my ideal. This thin, soft, breakable, pale looking vampire was not attractive to me.

Then when Jacob, the werewolf, came into the picture, I was shocked because, in my mind, he was more of what my ideal was, yet in the book, I had not imagained him this way.

It begged the question, what is attraction anyway? If there was one definition of attractive, there would have been no team Edward or team Jacob.

“I’m just so attracted to him” is stated like we have no choice. Its like attraction just happens; like how someone looks just draws us to them and we have no control whether we are attracted or not. If this were true, everyone would be attracted to the same person.

This is a false.

Attraction is merely a matter of what we have decided to think is attractive. What makes someone desireable to an individual is a culmination of things learned from media, friends, family and personal values.

I value hard work, adventure, strength, resilience, safety and security. When I look at my husband, the things I find most physically attractive are the things that represent those values.

He is built strong. He has hands that are always dirty from work, He has broad shoulders that seem to be there for my protection and comfort. He has a smile that melts my heart and a twinkle of mischief and adventure in his eyes. The culmination of those things is ATTRACTION.

I have had people say, “I am just not attracted to him anymore” like their spouse just stopped being attractive

I tell them that it is ok to think this BUT they need to be honest with themself. Their spouse didn’t just stop being attractive. They don’t want to be attracted to them anymore, otherwise they would find thoughts that would generate attraction.

Attraction is a choice.

This blog post on attraction is part of a series of post about relationships. All month long I will be focusing on relationships. Don’t miss any of them.

Other posts in the series:

Having a better relationship with a difficult child

Who wants help with a relationship in their life? Doesn’t matter if it’s a child, sister in law, mother in law, ex-husband, you name it…I can help you! Come to a free mini coaching call. Imagine being able to go into the holiday season and not feel stressed about having to spend time with this person? Wouldn’t it be amazing. Don’t wait. Schedule your spot now!

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