Comparison: an examination of two or more items to establish similarities and dissimilarities. (definition)
Comparison: Marriage Wrecker (my opinion:)
Who hasn’t fallen victim of the comparison game.
There is a couple whom I love and admire. They seemed to be the “perfect” everything. I wanted to have the same thing they did. I determined that if Lance and I just did things the way they did, we would achieve the same happiness in our new little family as they had.
If we differed from them in any way, we were doing it wrong.
If my husband didn’t act like her husband, we were destined to fail or never have a happy marriage.
It got to the point that I didn’t really want to be around this couple that I loved so much because every time I was, I became more unhappy with my marriage.
Oh how I wish I’d had a marriage coach back then. I would have saved myself so much unhappiness and frustration in my relationship with my husband.
What I didn’t know was that my unhappiness was not coming from our marriage. It wasn’t coming from the way my husband did or didn’t do things. I was frustrated and fearful because I perceived us to be different and I didn’t realize that different was OK. In fact, different is how it was supposed to be.
It was OK that my family liked to watch more TV then their family.
It was OK that our family scripture study wasn’t like their scripture study.
It was OK that we didn’t’ like to play games.
It was OK that we sat silently in the car with out a whole lot to say.
The only time these things became a problem was when I made them a problem by thinking there was something wrong with us.
When you compare, you start to feel self-pity, resentment, frustration. Your brain focuses on the negative and starts to close off the positive. You look at things through the lenses of FEAR and not LOVE. Rather then using your brain juice to figure out ways to create lasting, happy moments, your brain is trying to think of ways to protect yourself.
Your brain begins to think it is a good idea to nag your husband to be different or to yell and maybe that will motivate him to talk to you more. All because you are comparing how you do things in your home to how someone else does things in their home. It’s so backwards! How will that ever get you the relationship you want? I promise it won’t happen this way.
The only way to create the marriage and home life that you want is to find your unique way of doing things. You must stop comparing.
Is it possible that the way you do things in your home is perfect for what your trying to create?
Is it possible that you’re on the right track. That you are a genius about how you do things and you just don’t know it yet?
Learning to believe this has changed the dynamic and feeling in our home. I was a genius all along. I didn’t need to copy another family, I already knew just how to do it.