Difficult People Step 5: How do you want to feel about this person?
How do you want to feel about this person?
This is a very interesting question. Often times our initial thought is that we want to feel angry or upset with this person. We think this is punishing them in some way for all the frustration they cause us. But they don’t “feel” your frustration and anger. Only you do!
Isn’t it interesting that we choose to feel bad.
So once again, how do you want to feel about this person?
How do you want to show up when your with them? Who do you want to be?
What would you have to feel in order to show up this way?
What would you have to think in order to feel that way?
Our thoughts lead to our feelings, which lead to our actions and then create all the results in our life.
Let me say that one more time
Thoughts lead to
Feelings which lead to
Actions which create the
Results in our life.
This final step about dealing with difficult people will take some thought and pondering. Get serious with these questions. Be honest with yourself. Notice that it is your current thoughts about this person that are giving you your results. You can choose to think whatever you want and change the result.
Say you have a sis-in-law named Denise. Denise makes you crazy. She always thinks she is right and does her best to make herself look better then you. She constantly compares.
Feeling “crazy” is probably not working very well for you. This isn’t fun.
You would like to feel compassion for her instead. This is how you do it:
Find for me the fact in that little story? The only fact is there is a human named Denise.
The rest is just story in your brain. You can change the story. You could choose to think, “I love Denise, and there is nothing she can do about it.”
That thought will help you feel compassion and understanding toward her.
When you feel compassion and understanding, she can still show up however she shows up…comparing, always needing to be right. Feeling compassion will help you to be curios about her and wonder why she says the things she says. Notice how your actions change.
And the result is, you love Denise. You created your result! She did not need to change in order for you to feel better. There are no difficult people. Just people who make it a little more difficult or us to control our thoughts!