Difficult people step 4: let them be who they are

In Step 1, you wrote down all your mean and nasty thoughts about them.  I’m assuming you don’t like those feelings.  You think that if that person would just change how they acted, then you wouldn’t have to feel those negative feelings.

It is such a hopeless feeling.  I want you to see that you can choose to feel those feelings not matter how they act.

In Step 3, you wrote down all your expectations of this person.  It is important to see that you want this person to behave this way and do certain things for one reason…so you can feel better.  At the end of Step 3, I had you ponder what you would be thinking and feeling if they did all the things you expected of them.  This is where you get to take control.

When you allow yourself to be frustrated and annoyed by this person, you are giving them control over your emotional self.

Just choose to feel the way you want to feel about them regardless if they meet your expectations.

So here is step 4:  Allow them to be who they are.

Who is this person?  What do they do?  What do they do well?  What are they consistent in?  When you just observe them without judging, who are they?

Take some time here and really think about the answers to these questions.  Write them down.


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