Why you never feel like his priority

In any new relationship, whether you just started dating, are engaged or newly married, our minds want to figure where we fit in HIS life.

As I am coaching my clients, there seems to be a pretty common thought that many women struggle with…we think our spouse or our significant other, doesn’t love us enough or that we are not his priority. 

This thought can arise from anything…

He didn’t text you back as quickly as you thought he should

He went to lunch with his buddies instead of asking you to come

His only day off is Saturday and he opted to do something with his brother instead of hanging out with you

He was going to be home late from work/school and he didn’t text you to tell you

He didn’t notice how hard you worked on a new recipe for dinner

He didn’t notice you got a hair cut

I want to you know that it isn’t these behaviors that make you feel unloved…it is only your thoughts.  It is what you make them mean.

Your brain likes to take things like this and make them mean that he doesn’t love you enough or that you aren’t his number one.  

Your brain doesn’t know what to think until you tell it something to think.  But once it gets a thought, it always looks for evidence to prove it is true.  So suddenly, your brain starts picking out everything he does that may prove your thought true.  

Such a slippery and painful slope.

No one likes to think they aren’t loved.

Here is the key…you can not make anything he says, or doesn’t say, mean anything about you. 

Period.  

The end!  

Once you make it mean he doesn’t love you very much, then you become the person who is annoying and you try to manipulate the words you want to hear out of him.  

You give him the cold shoulder.  

You may even cry and act hurt.  

I promise, this will not get you anywhere.  

Just believe that he loves you more then anything.  

It isn’t his job to make you feel loved…that is your job! 

Have your own back!

How? 

There is a part of you that believes you are not lovable.  Because if you didn’t have that little doubt, it wouldn’t even cross your mind to make those actions mean that he doesn’t love you.

I like to use this example:  If someone told you that your blue hair was really ugly, it would not bother you one bit.  You would not make it mean anything about you because you know you don’t have blue hair.

 If you are confident in your lovability and you like who you are, you would never make any of his actions mean that he doesn’t love you.  See how that works.

So there’s your work…work on knowing that your amazing and lovable. 

That will be such a gift to yourself and to him (it gets exhausting always having to reassure someone of your love).

 

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