How to talk with HIM about anything
Blog Series: 10 questions you must ask your fiancé before you get married–It’s isn’t what you think.
Question #8—Do you feel you could communicate with me under any circumstance and about any subject?
Flip it—do you feel you could communicate with HIM under any circumstance and about any subject?
Why or why not?
The key to having any conversation with your guy is deciding, before hand, how you want to feel or how you need to feel in order to have that conversation. Then you find a thought that generates that feeling for you!
Lets look at an example:
I have a client who brought me an issue. She found herself not being able to calmly share her opinion with her fiancé. It bothered her that she couldn’t remain calm and was always trying to convince her fiancé that she was right. She didn’t feel that she was very good at communicating with him for this reason.
I asked her why she got defensive and wanted to try and prove her reasons that she was right?
We explored that for a bit and discovered that she thought they both needed to agree in order for her to feel confident in their relationship.
She looked at there differences as a problem or that something was wrong with their relationship if they couldn’t agree.
She felt insecure.
I pointed out to her that she needed to remember that having a different opinion doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with their relationship. It means they are human. They want to have differences. Their differences are going to make them stronger.
However, if she walks around trying to convince him that she is right so that they agree, she will never know what his opinion is and then those differences won’t make them stronger because she has never even considered them.
Instead she could choose to think, “My opinion may be different from his and that’s ok” or “I want to value his opinion and nothing has gone wrong if I don’t agree.”
Do you see how that opens your heart to freely communicate? You are not judging yourself or him! It is such a safer place—for both of you!
It was all generated by a thought!