To spank or not to spank your kiddos

Day four of my series:  Ten must ask questions before you get married.

Question 4:  Do you want to have children?  If so, what kind of parent do you want to be?

The answer to this question may largely depend upon the kind of parenting you viewed in your own home growing up.  Did you like the way your parents “parented”?  Do you think that is the best way to parent?  Do you think that is the worst way to parent?  Are you somewhere in between?

Such a slippery slope of questions.

Here’s what is tricky about this question…we tend to believe that our opinion about how to parent tends to be the right opinion.

Here’s an example…I grew up in a home where discipline was really minimal (granted, my sisters and I were practically perfect so we didn’t require much discipline:).  My parents were so soft and kind hearted, they could not stand to see any one of us sad.  There were a lot of “threats” of discipling and punishment, but when it came to follow through…it rarely happened because it hurt them too much to see us disappointed.

My husband grew up in a home where his parents felt that discipline was a necessary part of  love.  He and his siblings were practically perfect as well…but there was punishment and follow through with consequences.  It didn’t matter the sadness that followed.  That was all part of loving their children.

Two very different views, two very different actions.  Both sets of parents raised amazing children (if I do say so myself).

Fast forward to my own little family.  Lance and I have four children.  We bring to the table to very different experiences in this area.  Initially it was a bit if a struggle while we learned to balance our beliefs.  We had to learn that his way wasn’t right and my way wasn’t right.  Nor was his way wrong and my way wrong.  We liked a combination of the two.

Trouble arises when you use the word “right”.  Does there have to be a right way or a wrong way?  Using those terms will never help us feel confident in our parenting.

I know, your saying, but wait….my way is the right way!  Sorry my friend…that isn’t true.

What if you just chose to believe that there is a lot of ways to parent and our children will help us figure out the best way!  They are all going to be different anyway and require different parenting methods.

What do you believe a good parent does?  Do you have to believe that?  You get to decided.

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