The Marriage Manual
I would dare say that one of the things a young girl dreams about is who she will marry one day. She wonders what he will be like and what he will look like. Marriage is a traditional institution our society has historically placed great significance on. Over the past several years, the importance of the institution of marriage has lost meaning. There are many reasons why and this is certainly not what I intend to discuss here. But rather, I would like to focus on one area that has created a negative connotation about marriage and given marriage a bad rap. Many times, those childhood dreams and youthful fantasies of our future mate involve thoughts of, “I’ll be so happy when I get to be married. My spouse is going to make me so happy!” This thought creates such big problems.
Somewhere a long the way, we have decided that when we get married our happiness is largely based upon things that our spouse will do to make us happy. Couples get married and they quickly discover that often times they aren’t happy like they thought they would be. Thus giving them evidence that “happily ever after” fairy tale fantasy of marriage is just that…fairy tale. Their spouse just isn’t doing things right. They don’t do the things I need to be happy and I certainly shouldn’t have to tell them.
What we didn’t realize was that, in all childhood dreams and youthful fantasies, we were creating a “Marriage Manual.” We were unknowingly creating lists of things that a spouse should or should not do. Then when you got married, you have kept that subconscious manual close by to reference. You have used this “manual” as reference or evidence that your spouse is, or is not, making you happy.
a good husband gives their wives flowers for their birthday
a husband who loves their wife will always say I love you before he goes to bed
a good spouse will never raise their voice
a good marriage can only happen if the husband makes a lot of money
What if you just threw away that manual? What if you decided that it isn’t his job to make you happy. What if you decided it was your job, and only your job, to make you happy? Phew…that takes so much pressure off of him and frees up so much emotional space for you to love you, and to love him.
What’s written in your Marriage Manual? Did you know I offer two free session a week? First come, first serve. Schedule and appointment and lets see what you have in your manual that you may not even know!